


cheesin'

by jonaley5



Category: Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Break Up, Emotional Hurt, Falling Out of Love, Fluff and Angst, Hurt No Comfort, Inspired by Music, M/M, Post-Break Up, its like a songfic but i project myself with both of them, maybe? im not sure what this is really, mentions of fever, no beta we die like wilbur, they still love each other that way but they drifted apart, vent fic because im super sad, yep OOC
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-03
Updated: 2020-12-03
Packaged: 2021-03-09 21:14:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,587
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27853186
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jonaley5/pseuds/jonaley5
Summary: It's not the same in the morning.I'm picking up the signs that you're leaving,But we're deep in, so it depends.- Cautious Clay, "Cheesin'"What's it like? To stay with someone you don't deserve?
Relationships: Karl Jacobs/Sapnap
Comments: 2
Kudos: 57





	cheesin'

**Author's Note:**

> please for the love of god dont ever fucking shove this shit to the cc's mentioned.
> 
> theres no actual setting for this particular story but aye you can always think this is minecraft but angst ahahah heyyy  
> all comments, kudos, bookmarks, whatever, are appreciated btw!!  
> i dont actually have the right message about the song but its really giving me vibes i cant explain so instead i impulsively wrote this story lmfaoooo  
> anyways listen to still woozy because im sad
> 
> (edit: i am comfortable to out as a shipper bc the fandom is scaring me anything related with irl shipping. anyways those who came from my twitter, hello hello :DD)

“Hey, Sappy Nappy!” Karl laughed, quickly untying Sapnap’s bandana.

Sapnap spun, his movement quick enough to catch the older before he can get away with it. Their chests collided and Sapnap realizes he has his hands locked on the other’s waist. He was about to apologize of the roughness in his hold but Karl is looking straight into eyes.

Sapnap can see a glimmer of reluctance within those eyes, darkened for a split second and hesitance. It’s scary – to not know what the other is thinking; he wants to keep the rhythm of their intimate moments but he felt scissors cutting through his heartstrings. Still, Sapnap titled his head to smirk, “Something caught your eyes, Jacobs?” he teased.

“Your eyes look like a terrarium, have I told you that?” Well, _that_ caught him off guard. Karl doesn’t usually comment about colors, especially eyes, but his own sudden amusement tickled his lips up into a smile.

“Care to explain that, Karl?”

“It’s like,” Karl started, the eye-contact looking like it won’t break anytime soon, “the forest is in your eyes… you know?” the smaller explained slowly, Sapnap stayed silent as he waits for him to enlighten the topic of _his eyes_.

Karl turns his head to think, choosing his words wisely, “There’s green everywhere, like speckled everywhere, _leaves_? Yeah! Leaves! And the brown thingy around it are like the trees’ – _what do you call those –_ like the stems, or- uh, (“The bark?”) Yes! The brown bit in your eyes look like they’re the bark of the trees,” Karl cupped Sapnap’s cheeks, and _my god_ does Karl look adorable like that.

“They’re muddy,” Sapnap insisted.

“Your eyes aren’t muddy, but its bright enough to look like they’re a secret forest or something. It’s magical, just like how you are – magical.”

 _I don’t deserve him, do I?_ “You’re mildly colorblind but your effort is appreciated,” Sapnap presses his lips on Karl’s temple, who giggled in delight, “Since when did you become a charmer, Jacobs?”

Karl giggled out of Sapnap’s hold, “Ever since I’ve met you,” the smaller blew a kiss at him.

Sapnap was left dumbfounded when he noticed that his hands were tied up.

<>

“We really thought we’d get so far, huh?” Karl laughed, a broken one.

He only thinks that it’s only fair that way.

And if anything, he would rather accept the road he walked himself in than to bargain for a world where he has him all to himself, to have him call him _his_ ; they didn’t stay together as long as he’d hope. But oh my, oh my – it hurts so much, that he gave up that easily, it’s a long time coming anyways.

Sapnap deserves better, and Karl’s not the better he thought he can be.

“You know,” Karl says, “I’ve never really done this. This whole breakup thing, I mean.”

Sapnap looks his way, “Well you–“ he pauses, words restrained in his throat, “I know you haven’t really either,” he finishes carefully, eyes searching the tiniest hint of hope to light in his soul – there was none.

“So, what now?” Karl titled his head; Sapnap looked away.

“I think,” Sapnap muttered lowly. Karl watched the soft clouds, feigning calm composure that’s chipping away like shadows. “Are you…” Sapnap started, “Will you remember?” he spoke his words slow, very unlike of his usual rate of speech and Karl hated the fact that he has to hear his voice cracking like this; because right there and then, he wants to pour his feelings.

Karl only nodded, “I’ll tell you.”

“I’ll wait. I want to,” Sapnap smiled, “baby, that’s all I do.”

(It’s a kind of smile that comforts Karl in a way that it’s alright, a warming phantom embrace; his eyes say otherwise. Both of them knew they won’t be coming back to each other, but there’s no harm in hoping.)

<>

“If I got one thing right,” Sapnap leaves a peck on Karl’s hand, “it was you and me.”

Karl gasped, pressing the bouquet of reds and yellows close to his chest. “Sapnap…” he whines, and the other man continued to leave more kisses that trailed from his wrist and up to his shoulders, his jaws, and lastly, pecking his lips. Karl giggled, attempting to pull away from embarrassment and failing to shove his red face in the flowers.

Sapnap chuckled, like chocolate flowing through his body, “Why pull away? You love my kisses,” he complained. Karl looked over Sapnap’s pout and laughed, “I do!” he leaned in to wrap one arm around Sapnap’s neck, running gentle fingers from the nape and through his black hair.

“There’s so many people looking around us though.”

“Let them,” Sapnap mumbles, he pulls away yet his hands stayed intertwined on the other’s. Karl thanked him by sliding a flower in his hair for listening, gently and softly – he feels his heart grow a crack in its corners.

Even as the stars danced like swans in the night sky, his thoughts dwelled on it. Their bodies pressed on each other, arms over the other, and legs tangled securely. Warmth embraces him when Karl wishes him goodnight, burying his face in Sapnap’s chest; warmth doesn’t always stay.

He stays up that night and many more after that.

He wakes up alone on their bed the next morning.

<>

_Today 3:42 AM_

_nimrod november: we need a break_

_nimrod november: im sorry_

<>

It was a party when they see each other again.

It was three months after their last conversation, Karl immediately wants to jump out the window.

His eyes were locked on Sapnap, bathed in warm neon lights in the middle of the room and whooping loudly – proudly; while Karl sits on the leather couch, miserable and sick (his hands starts to itch and his consciousness screams at him to find the nearest window).

He stays. Because he’s sick.

It’s his own fault for staying, staying in the rain for a dare? Not a good idea.

The night continues, his head blurring the scenes. He remembers someone offering him water, he took it but stayed nonetheless. When it dawned on him, regret scratches his back as he is now very aware of the fact that Sapnap is seated on the far end of the couch with him, no one in the middle, just the maddening tension. Karl wants to throw up – not because of his fever, but because of the lowly dimmed room that reeks of alcohol and sweat, he wonders why he even came to this party in the first place.

He feels even more guilt when Sapnap speaks, “Hello, Karl.”

Karl keeps his panic to himself (he misses that voice very dearly), as a response, he only smiles at him.

“Crazy party, huh?”

The brunet looks over the sea of people, mellowed out and on the floor after two hours of getting wasted, his eyes searches for the clock on the shelf, albeit his sight is fuzzy, the clock reads 3:40 AM.

He feels miserable. Karl wants to curl up next to the lingering presence beside him, to say that he needs help and say sorry. As much as he wanted to, he stays in his seat and waits because that’s all he really does (and his heart screams to reach). Before Karl can even talk, he leaps forward, his hand flying to his mouth and the other clutching his stomach. His mind begins to fog and before he knows it, he felt himself hoisted up.

He sees white and feels a pat. He lets himself go, everything dark and flashing blank.

Everything was soft and warm the next morning.

Maybe it was the sunlight or the comforter over him, he wasn’t sure. He’s too tired to know, he just wants to sleep more and ignore the world for now.

However, going back to sleep isn’t helping. He ought to leave the bed he lies in (one that he knows all too well), and by that, memories of the party come resurfacing back. Mind dull, television static running in his ears, soft dots of strobe lights waving around him. There’s a glass of water and medicine by the nightstand; he takes the pill but leaves the glass untouched.

It’s a surprise to still know Sapnap still cares about him after those times.

With slow and careful movements, he leaves his body on autopilot and out the room he walks. By the time he zoned back in, he’s in the kitchen (its bright).

He awfully knows why – the feeling never leaves him after all.

“Good morning, is your head alright?”

Karl keeps his mouth shut but hastily turns to face Sapnap, they only stare at each other; Karl squints his eyes to ease the sting, forces himself to smile.

(His heart aches to see Sapnap standing by the doorway. In sweatpants and shirt, the casual. There are bags under his eyes that goes unnoticed if you looked away quick (he noticed) and his hair sticks up like a bird’s nest. It’s the kind of look that he remembers _oh so_ fondly three months ago.)

“I left aspirin for you in the bedroom,” Sapnap acknowledges his greeting and smiles back, “did you find it?”

Karl hums in response. “Get some rest when you get home, Jacobs,” Sapnap dims the lights.

By the time Karl was walking to the front door, his heart aches and pained when he realizes that there’s really no hope for them.

Karl smiles at Sapnap. Sapnap laughs at his attempt but returns the smile anyway.


End file.
